I have been feeling very sad this week about my internet family…I even thought about packing my possessions in a handkerchief, tying it to a stick and walking away to hitch a train yo Solitude land
I stopped packing when I read Heidi Li’s beautiful entry at No Quarter and the Confluence
Especially in the fight against the subjugation of women, men and women must ask themselves these questions, because one of the hardest obstacles to achieving progress toward the good of justice for women is the tendency toward infighting on the one hand and selling out on the other.
and the closing:
Time is on the side of those who fight for justice, so long as those who fight for justice do so with patience and tenacity, and resist the parallel temptations toward selling out or excessive infighting.
Thank you Heidi Li for the wonderful words of hope.
What had started as an admirable, heartwarming rally to help one of us in a moment of unspeakable tragedy and hardship, is threatening to evolve into a B0botic type loyalty test, with boycotts and lists of naughty and nice.
Let’s please remember what all of us had to escape earlier this year before coming together as PUMAs and not make anything – not even righteous arguments into divisive tests.
I will never change my values or give up my fight. I would dearly love to continue to do it with my dear friends of the past year.
As long as I can do it PUMA way.
23 comments
December 22, 2008 at 1:16 pm
extreme ways
Thanks for your hard work. Keep writing. I’ll keep reading.
December 22, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Astra14
Hang in there! I keep thinking that after all the years of struggle and thinking it was finally going to payoff with a woman in the White House, then finding corruption and misogyny instead, that I should, also, just walk away and let the young women (and the foolish older ones) fight for everything that they’ve tossed away this year. Yet, I don’t have that in me … even though I’m not a spring chicken any more and have already fought this battle. Obama and Favreau may have won this battle but they haven’t won the war as far as I’m concerned.
Now, armed with a new women’s organization (The New Agenda) and having written NOW and NARAL and telling them why I’ll never support them again, I’m ready to go back to into the battle for women’s rights. And to try in 2012 to put a deserving woman in the White House. If other countries can have women leaders, there is NO reason the United States can’t have one either – and we should have been first in that area!
I’m with you: “I will never change my values or give up my fight. I would dearly love to continue to do it with my dear friends of the past year.”
December 22, 2008 at 2:07 pm
annie
unfortunately i cannot say the same. This is what i know. That nothing changes. The electorate will too often err on the side of assholes or neglect to stick up for what’s right. the vast majority will take the steps to stop wrong, and even though there is always a new generation, if 7/10 people don’t get it now, in that next influx of people, 7/10 of them will also not get it. I will NOT fight for women’s rights ever again. If they don’t care enough to not let what happen during this primary happen, why on earth would i stick up for them. I will not fight for democracy, it doesn’t exists in the way i was naive enough to believe it did, and not enough people will fight for it (MI and FLA come to mind). I will fight for the environment, but not women or children or feedom. If people don’t care enough, when our free becomes comprimised, that’s just tough tit. Let the people who slept through it all, and couldn’t figure it out, let them finally deal with the consequences, let the women who trashed Hillary cry when they lose control of their womb, and maybe THEN they’re fight. It’s time to let others fight after they are the victims of the consequences. Let the chips fall where they may, cuz i’ll be just fine.
I will however reserve a little energy to fight every jerk who screwed us over this year. if i can take just one jerkoff out of office, help expose one media outlet, I will be elated. Sometimes payback is necessary. That might actually be the best way to enact change.
December 22, 2008 at 2:08 pm
lipstickandfish
“What had started as an admirable, heartwarming rally to help one of us in a moment of unspeakable tragedy and hardship, is threatening to evolve into a B0botic type loyalty test, with boycotts and lists of naughty and nice.”
I believe that I have missed something here. What has happened?
Heidi Li, again, thanks for your insight.
December 22, 2008 at 3:13 pm
madamab
Very well-said. I want everyone to get along, too, but I also don’t want to be part of anything that denigrates my PUMA-ness. If it had not been for SM77 over at RD’s place, I don’t know what I would have done this year as my political world and identity turned upside down.
I hope this is just a misunderstanding and that we can all work through it. We should be supporting each other, not beating each other up.
Sigh.
December 22, 2008 at 3:34 pm
edgeoforever
@lipstickandfish
I will only say that a poster threatened to boycott my blog on the assumption I was “taking sides”. As I didn’t know of such things as “sides” I had to do some research – and what I found I don’t want to see ever again.
December 22, 2008 at 3:38 pm
edgeoforever
@annie
I will not deny the realism of most of what you wrote. I also refuse to give up on doing the right thing. Just as I keep voting after the 2000 and following elections, I’ll keep striving for everyone’s civil rights – even the majority’s (women), even as many of them are working against themselves.
At the very least, for my own soul. But with the hope that it will have an effect on the world – as after all, I am not alone.
December 22, 2008 at 3:52 pm
truthisgold
edgeoforever, as you so often do, you have once again read my mind and expressed my thoughts!
i would suggest that anyone who hasn’t re read Orwell’s Animal Farm or Golding’s Lord of the Flies do so soon.
while we do have common goals, we do not all agree on the best way in which to achieve them. that is why we have the freedom to choose what kind of path is best of each of us. i find it tremendously sad that with all the issues we face as women, as a nation, and as a People, the ability to refrain from fomenting yet more rage and lack of respect is not something we all share. restraint goes a long way toward facilitating unity, civil discourse and respect, and i cannot support anything or anyone who would presume to do to its own compatriots that which they decry in their opponents.
let us please maintain our dignity and our civility. we need to do this to prevent ourselves from rotting from within and wasting the energy we would spend on our opponents by devouring each other.
December 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm
edgeoforever
@truthisgold
So glad to see you! And happy we agree as well!
December 22, 2008 at 5:52 pm
annie
oops, that should read: the vast majority WON’T take the steps to stop wrong,
December 22, 2008 at 7:15 pm
DeniseVB
I’m so blissful right now embracing my Independent political self after a lifetime of being an angry liberal.
Obama showed me the way…..lol. I just try and get along with everyone for now while we all transition to where we feel more comfortable once sh*thead is sworn in.
I think Daily Puma is a great place to start. I’m meeting so many wonderful bloggers there and we’ll all come together again….when we have too 🙂
(aka diggins)
December 22, 2008 at 9:29 pm
morninmist
hey diggins.
Glad to see you so happy.
December 23, 2008 at 12:32 am
Grail Guardian
Edge,
I’m not sure if it’s an end of the fight thing, or if people are losing hope as coronation day approaches, or even if people are just cranky because of the stresses of the season – but you are right. We must stick together and not allow all we have fought for to slip away after this excruciating battle.
The enemy is not within the PUMA movement, and it will serve us well to remember all the time, energy, and support we have all received from visiting PUMA blogs. I wish to thank you for all your tireless work throughout this year. I know there have been times when you’ve been discouraged, but you are the bright spot in quite a few people’s day, especially mine! I appreciate your wit and insight (not to mention the roll-on-the-floor graphics), and I am here just about every day because I know that while we occasionally disagree on details – when it comes to the big stuff we’re always on the same page. Please keep up your excellent work – you do make a difference!
December 23, 2008 at 6:38 am
edgeoforever
Grail
Te enemy is not within the PUMA movement
If that’s the only thing that gets remembered here, this discussion has accomplished its goal. Thanks for stating it so clearly as you always do.
December 23, 2008 at 7:04 am
bluelady
I’ve been watching with dismay as the rift in the
puma-sphere grows, proving once again what people are NOT willing to do to preserve unity-ie, keep their mouths shut when needed, not publish purported incriminating emails, not spread vindictive statements at different blogs- and all in service to what I see as separate personality cults-
infighting trumps the bigger goals…….. the selling out mention makes me go hmmm?
December 23, 2008 at 8:24 am
Stray Yellar Dawg
My thought are such:
http://syd4.blogspot.com/2008/12/wow.html
Growing pains do suck. But it’s best to ignore ’em. So they can go away and you can get on with your life.
December 23, 2008 at 8:26 am
Stray Yellar Dawg
My thoughts are such:
http://syd4.blogspot.com/2008/12/wow.html
Growing pains do suck. But it’s best to ignore ’em. So they can go away and you can get on with your life.
December 23, 2008 at 8:27 am
Stray Yellar Dawg
Oi.
My computer is playing tricks on me today.
Or maybe it’s WordPress that hiccoughing?
December 25, 2008 at 3:07 pm
M Sakel
Yes, indeed, Astra14!
Oblama and his (closeted boy-lover since 2005, the ) punkish-misogynist Jon Favreau, may appear to have won the battle and we may condede this. But they have lost the War. And Heidi Li’s terrific credentials and respect in the legal community and unwavering loyal support of Hillary–for the right reasons–will ensure, together with our help, that the Rebellions Within that will win us the War in the end, go on and the spark is never extinguished. Not while the Puma Spirit lives on!
December 25, 2008 at 3:16 pm
M Sakel
Annie, I empathize with the anger and like your idea of kicking the sexist jerks off their pedestal. What about a List of such jerks so the pressure can be kept up on an individual level of rebellion at least? McCarthy in the fifties did it for the angels. Why can’t women do the list for the Devils that destroyed our dream in 2008–for now!? And also a List of Angels and put Katie Couric there ’cause her “Notebook” this summer earned her the “Worst Person of Year” award from one of the top “Leg Thriller-jerks” other than Chrissie Matthews–Olbermann The Terrible.
Oblama sent a letter to NBC demanding that they fire Don Imus for his racist-sexist comments to the Rutbers Girls team–justifiably. BHO said in his letter the “I would fire immediately from my employ anyone who made such remarks about these young women….bla..bla…I have two girls myself and as a father…”
With the Jon Favreau misogynist act, where was the Obama outrage?
Let’s make sure Oblama and the media misogynists are kept on their toes. And keep throwing our SHOES at them, going down on the Misogynist Devils List……
December 26, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Greenconsciousness
The second wave was destroyed by trashing which is nothing more than the mob acting out an instigator’s basic family dynamic. The biological unit’s dynamic often involved competition;and taking sides in order to gain power and protection. Then the child acts in out in school and later at work. She brings it into social groups because she is still trying to work it out. Still trying to win all the love and resources by being right. Too much emphasis on the right way, the one way, the only way is a sign that someone is working out an old dynamic on the group. Never let the group be split by such foolishness.
Yes, I am writing to urge you to speak the truth which is that issues should be debated not other people’s character and motives. We should all say this without choosing sides. We should all say that choosing sides is another version of divide and conquer and that is what the patriarchy wants. Then we should write teachings on how we can disagree without destroying what other women are working to build. Because there is room for us all; because we are different we will manifest in many different organizations. The trick is not to fight each other-ever. Keep the fight on sexism.
I will go further and say that as long as we do not extend this practice to our real enemies, Bush, Chaney, corporations, right to lifers, etc. we will keep trashing each other and destroying our own organizations.
I do not say this as someone who has achieved this elevated state. My temper is legendary but I know it to be true. I have been part of trashing others and have trashed. It was stupid and unnecessary. It is the sisterhood I cherish in my old age. It is the unity I remember with love. I cannot remember why we fought; what was so important about tactics. I remember there was a lot of jealousy over who got hired to be staff while others worked as volunteers. The volunteers always wanted too much from staff. But that is not the issue in this trashing.
Here a woman did not get her way followed by a leader in another group so she is lashing out in anger at that woman and is sort of urging other women to do the same. She is not thinking clearly and should not even be involved in anything but her own situation right now which is very political and overwhelming.
I am so not anyone who can remember this when I am angry that sometimes other people, like Phyllis Chesler who truly does practice this high level of civil discourse, even with her enemies or rather idealogical opponents, sometimes these high minded people annoy me. But they are right and their practice comes from building things which last and change the world.
The woman should not be trashing another leader. She needs to be taught the conscious raising technique which is: when you hear a woman say something you disagree with; you can only response from an I statement or a personal experience. You cannot say “she is wrong”. You can only say “it is my belief that…” or “it is my experience in that situation that…” etc. We are supposed to believe that truth comes from the personal experience. Truth is the some total of our experiences as women. You cannot say another women’s experience is invalid -only that it is not your experience.
Different women will fight differently. Tactics are nothing to fight over. If you don’t like the tactic of a group, do your own action with those you recruit. But you do not recruit by trashing the first group or its leader. You recruit by talking up your idea. That is the way we will succeed; by doing instead of destroying and taking what someone else has built. And by learning to work in coalition with our opponents when we can, as the anti-trafficking people do.
So yes, do not be afraid to talk about process and why it is wrong to attack leaders instead of ideas; why personal attacks are never as good as presenting another perspective without attacking.
People do need to learn this. It is not natural. We do naturally what we were taught inside our family when we were children and often that is the wrong thing to do. Social Change Skills must be learned and working for social change without destructive trashing is a skill.
December 26, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Greenconsciousness
OK there are a lot of grammatical errors in what I wrote above. I apologize. Try to read through them to what I mean.
December 26, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Amy Siskind
Not Your Sweetie,
I just wanted to personally thank you and all the other feminist bloggers for your support. Some like yourself have taken the time to blog a piece, many others have emailed us directly.
The New Agenda has many exciting things underway. Expect some major announcements and additions in the New Year. We will continue to speak out and work for the women of this country. We ask any and all women and like minded men to join us in our journey together. Expect – and you will receive – big things in 2009!
Happy holidays!
Amy